Kind of odd some of this toxicity seems to stem from hearsay. Any MMO has rude players, unfortunately comes with the territory. FFXIV is one of the most wholesome communities, especially in the cities. I met my guild family there years ago so I’ll always have a soft spot for it.
As for dungeons/raids, I can count on one hand how many times someone said something about a player causing a wipe or even leeching. The worst thing you typically see is a tank explaining mechanics after 2+ wipes. You can vote kick anyone truly being mean & awful anyway, everyone is aware of this so it keeps a lot of jerks in check.
The crystal tower raids were made mandatory to story because they’re important to the story. They’re very easy, I’m a terrible raid player and I can even heal them now. Players are even more patient now because a lot of new players are in the group.
Rooms set up to pick up speed/loot runs or recruiting a static member will be a lot more critical because you have to be what they’re looking for. Likewise people will make progression or newbie friendly rooms so new players can do a fight without mechanics being spoiled for them. There’s something for everyone.
The mechanics in their dungeons are clever and make runs a lot of fun. My only two complaints about the game are the combat is very boring compared to PSO2 and I’ve always hated their basic character maker.
My ideal MMO would be the lovechild of those two. I want the brilliant story writing, the rich dungeon/raid designs and the actually fun pvp from FFXIV and I want the fashion/character creation, classes and smooth combat of PSO2.